The real cause of Global Warming

Speeches are pointless, why not take a completely far fetched idea and make it work. Afterall, all I had to do was try to persuade. It never said successfully, just try. And here is my sad attempt. That when actually read seems extremely far-fetched. I had another but apparently it's offensive to those larger members of society =]

Goths. We know what they are, and some of us think of them as half human half devils. Depending on whether you are a fundamentalist Christian or normal. They’ve been described to be Satanists who eat human as part of a ritual; they used to be an ancient conquering civilisation of Visigoths, they are now a type of life style, clothing style, and fad. But is this supposedly dangerous sub-culture the reason for global warming? Yes. Yes, it is. “It's the last dance as the walls are crumbling around you...”
This quote shows how ready they are for the apocalypse which is ironically caused by them. It’s the perfect crime, pretend to be paranoid about the so-called end of the world and then destroy the world yourself through the now unpreventable fact of global warming.

Global warming is a phenomenon that some claim is natural, whether it is or not. It’s entirely plausible that Goth’s have either a) completely caused this to occur or b) are partially responsible for this occurring. The largeness of this can be seen by the fact that approximately 3, 250 km2 of a shelf in Antarctica had disintegrated over a 35-day period that began on the 31st of January. Amazingly, for the past 12,000 years before that occurred the shelf was stable. The regional temperature has increased 5° C in winter over the past 50 years. This reduces seasonal icepack, disrupts growth of krill and changes conditions on penguin rookeries. This can be attributed to the bleakness and monochromatic statement Goths make with their clothing. It’s black. Black, as we all know, is a great absorber of heat. The Goths absorb the heat then re-emit it back into the earth where it cannot escape due to unnaturally high amounts of greenhouse gases. The heat which cannot escape then melts the polar ice caps where, the total amount of ice that has disappeared so far is almost equal to the size of the state of Connecticut.

The multitude of piercings that adorn the faces of Goths, though culturally acceptable have been proven by American scientists to attract lightning thus increasing the amount of lightning strikes in an area, this increased amount of focused heat, power, light increases the temperature of the air around it and the surrounding area leading to small differences in temperature. This added factor to the ever increasing sea level means that in the future some of the pacific islands where many have their homes, vacations, conservation areas will become submerged. The island of Tebua which has been rumoured to be around since creation (according to local legends) has submerged, cemeteries are crumbling into the oceans around the islands. Scout Island in Kiribati has shrunken by a third; it's become more wet in French Polynesia and to the east and north; drier to the west and south, with more frequent droughts, in Kiribati, Fiji and New Caledonia. Also due to the increase of temperature the ocean waters expand, adding to the approximately 30% of water increase from the melting polar ice caps. This is caused by Goths who enjoy preparing for the apocalypse they have undoubtedly caused.

Hairspray- not the movie but the actual product used to contain CFC’s- Chlorofluorocarbons. Since the use of CFC’s in aerosols was banned in the late 20th century, the danger of them has lessened but not before their damage had been done. The release of CFC’s into the air has increased the rate of global warming. This can be attributed to the fact that due to the elaborate hair styles of Goths as can be seen, there is a greater need for hairspray to maintain the elaborate look and defy gravity. This leads to a larger consumption of hairspray on the Goth’s behalf, which is now increasing the rate of global warming. Greenhouse gases made up of; carbon dioxide, methane and nitrous oxide trapping heat so it cannot escape. This effect added to the fact that the gothic clothing style (mainly colour- black) which absorbs heat, means the emitted heat is then trapped, melting polar ice caps.

Fresh water, and other chemicals that enter the oceans, reduce the salinity of the oceans. This reduces the currents as the dense waters from the arctic sink while the warmer waters from the tropics float creating the ocean currents which are needed. But thanks to the contributions of chemicals on behalf of the Goth’s who find unnatural hair colours more natural than the one they were born with and the ridiculous notion that everyday they should try and defy gravity by sticking their hair with as much hairspray as can fit in a can. Sadly, we’re suffering the effects, probably to their immense happiness.

Ironically the Goth sub culture appeared in the world around the same time as global warming began to take a fuller effect and was noticed. It’s not a coincidence rather an indicator that yes; Goths have contributed to and most likely caused global warming. For it to have become internationally recognised as a sub culture it would have had to exist even before then. Where else did underground Goth come from? If it emerged in the mid to late 80’s as it’s claimed to have maybe it’s just like the recent fad of Emo. Which apparently began in the 80’s but only became a recognised sub-culture since last year, using that as a model then Goth may have existed since the 60’s where scientists believe the effects of global warming began and the causes seen since the beginning of the 21st century after the arrival of a non-existent Y2K bug- a most likely myth stemming from Goth’s desires of doomsday, violence, and the ever-feared apocalypse.

Obviously despite the fact that Goths ARE people just like us, they caused global warming. The fact that they claimed to be misunderstood does not prove that they are, rather they made the conscious decision to flee so called mainstream society which makes sense if they’re causing global warming good way to escape the effects. Or just pretend to escape them. You can’t deny the truth because that’s lying. Besides who are you going to believe- people who turned their backs on society because they’re misunderstood? Or the facts and pictures of global warming and the effects of presented by scientists who still face society?

Now. I do not believe anything I said. But think of how many speeches you have heard on music, smoking, drugs, crime, computer games, binge drinking (alcohol) etc. Especially old time favourite "Drugs and smoking kill". Why not dare to be different and reach out, even if you don't believe it yourself. Hey, your goal is to persuade and convince not to believe.