Bill and Ben Party

If only I could vote...
I wanna put the “party back in political party”



The Bill and Ben Party (B&B) was founded by Jamie “Bill” Linehan and Ben “Ben” Boyce in March of 2008. Fed up with politicians calling each other childish names, Bill and Ben thought, well, we already have childish names, so let’s put them forward for contention.

Bill and Ben might be best known for their work on radio and TV, but they feel that politics is the logical next step for them. Despite their reputation as self-absorbed media show ponies (not helped by the fact that they named their political party after themselves), they feel certain that they can put their own wants and needs aside and focus, if elected, on the good of the nation.

“I mean sure, the main motivation behind our political aspirations might be the free Air New Zealand flights and our own motorcade to Eden Park on a Friday night, but we think we have quite a lot to offer to the public of New Zealand,” Bill says.

What exactly that offer entails remains a mystery at this stage, as Bill and Ben have yet to announce the official B&B policies. However, they have said that they promise to promise nothing, and that although they realising that by promising no promises they are actually making a promise, that’s the only promise they are going to make. Promise.

“It’s easy to make promises in the heat of the election moment, but from what we can tell, it’s even easier to break them once you’re in,” says Ben. “We don’t want to disappoint our loyal public, so we’re not going to set them up for possible heartbreak if we get in and find out that giving everyone free petrol is harder than just sending a really nice letter to BP.”

But can they at least tell us what their priority is? What’s the first thing they’ll do if elected?

“A funnel,” says Bill.

“We’re putting the party back in political party,” agrees Ben.

Seriously. Their logic is almost flawless and to be honest, we don't need politicians who just slag each other off. ALL THE TIME.

Politician:
People who trying and be popular through political means. A "grown-up" version of high school heirachy. Full of gossip, bitches and other misdemeanors. Always has a scandal going on...

What to do when you're being followed...

Well. Hi.
Here's a little something from reminiscing Year 10 Health. And figuring out what was meant by teeter-totter. Hah.
And learning dead people can laugh or just that one can...
Actually we just took the piss out of this class. Like Bio. Haha. Bio. What a joke.

Health Year 10 Notes
Being Followed

Types of Followers:- Alive
- Dead
- Vampires
- Non-Vampires
- Women
- Non-women
- Schtorkerereary
- Stalker
- Person
- Not a person

Strategies:- Stay home forever and have no social life
- Take a fluoro orange water pistol wherever you go and claim it’s a real gun
- Walk around in circles to see if they follow your exact footsteps
- Stalk the stalker back
- Get your family to follow you as you walk in the car just behind you
- Pretend to be homeless
- Sit down in the middle of road, footpath, grass etc.
- Carry box with you to hide in
- Pretend to be: crazy, a cow, any animal, ‘fish’ works REALLY well
- Roll over and play DEAD
- Take a jet plane
- Get a bodyguard
- Run away screaming “FUSPOWBA” while they try and figure what in god’s name a FUSPOWBA is
- Drop DEAD for real
- Get a friend to ‘stalk’ you so when someone else stalks you (or tries to) you can say: “Sorry, I’m already being stalked” (cue: enter ‘stalker’) (ie friend)
- Stalk your stalker’s family or them while being a crazy person
- Carry REAL weapon for ‘negotiations’